New jobs sure are tiring! I get tons of training – a new thing for me – I am still in the nervous stage. You know the ‘is my skirt on strait, did I spill on myself?’ and ‘can I really do this job?!’ questions.
I am still taking it all in; the one year position that I have is a position that one usually needs at least 3 to 5 years to have; and believe me, I am really not a super-star librarian at all. GOD is the only reason for this – His provision, His grace, His enabling. (Also, related to God is the prayers of many who love me and the prayers of the Saints, esp. St. Nicholas and St. Xenia and St. Herman).
I feel like professionally this job is going to ‘grow me up’ as it were. I have to learn a lot and become independent professionally in ways I have not learned as of yet. The learning opportunities in this is great – I am really grateful for it, and a bit intimidated.
I guess I am becoming an adult in new ways – today I got life insurance (through work!) and put my mother down as my beneficiary; I learned about pensions and the like. I never thought I would ever have such a job – with benefits. As my parents still do not have such a job, I am astounded.
I feel like this is all such a surprising gift that I struggle not to feel conspicuous or guilty for it. Yet I walk forward in it all, thinking it must be okay, as no one but God could of arranged this…
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Thursday, May 31, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
15 days
i found out that i have 15 (working) days of vacation! 3 weeks! wow.
one of the weeks i will take off is Holy Week, so that leaves 2 more weeks, plus a week for Christmas that i can have off, provided i make up the time later...
in my family, as my dad was and is self-employed, there never were paid vacations; no pension, no benefits. for me, then, to have all these things in the job is so incredible to me, i am overwhelmed by it.
my first day of work went well. i was tired - lots to take in - but by God's grace i was able to keep my wits about me...
one of the weeks i will take off is Holy Week, so that leaves 2 more weeks, plus a week for Christmas that i can have off, provided i make up the time later...
in my family, as my dad was and is self-employed, there never were paid vacations; no pension, no benefits. for me, then, to have all these things in the job is so incredible to me, i am overwhelmed by it.
my first day of work went well. i was tired - lots to take in - but by God's grace i was able to keep my wits about me...
Monday, May 28, 2007
Tomorrow: the beginning of the next page of my career as a librarian
I start my job tomorrow! Would love prayers – Tuesday 8 am I will be handing in my letter of offer and tax information and then it will begin.
I am excited but a bit nervous too – I feel like a schoolgirl who just changed schools and is meeting new people, going to be learning new tasks. I got a haircut, some new clothes and sandals; I told my spiritual father that I start tomorrow; told others; my family knows.
Today I am going to clean my house and try to figure out what to cook for the week. So much to do… but it is a quiet morning and the sky is a deep blue and the sun is strong and white.
I am excited but a bit nervous too – I feel like a schoolgirl who just changed schools and is meeting new people, going to be learning new tasks. I got a haircut, some new clothes and sandals; I told my spiritual father that I start tomorrow; told others; my family knows.
Today I am going to clean my house and try to figure out what to cook for the week. So much to do… but it is a quiet morning and the sky is a deep blue and the sun is strong and white.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Wait no longer: the job has been offered
I wrote the post I just posted this morning. When I went online I had an email waiting for me regarding my references. An hour later I got a call, offering me the one year position!
To summarize: the permanent position I was not feeling at peace with. (I have not to this day heard back from them). I was concerned that this job would be a prolonged stress to me and the other job is the one I felt myself wanting. I even wrote in my journal to that effect this morning. So I talked with my sister, my Matuska, my Grandmother and my Mother.
By the time I talked with my Mother it was to tell her I was going to accept the job. I have since accepted the job on voice mail and email. I have to sign the letter of offer and they hope I will be able to start on this coming Tuesday, May 29th!
We are all relieved. I for one feel tired actually. Relieved and tired. No cloud nine, no euphoria, just thankful, relieved and tired.
Glory to God for His abundant mercy and goodness that He keeps pouring down in and on my life...
To summarize: the permanent position I was not feeling at peace with. (I have not to this day heard back from them). I was concerned that this job would be a prolonged stress to me and the other job is the one I felt myself wanting. I even wrote in my journal to that effect this morning. So I talked with my sister, my Matuska, my Grandmother and my Mother.
By the time I talked with my Mother it was to tell her I was going to accept the job. I have since accepted the job on voice mail and email. I have to sign the letter of offer and they hope I will be able to start on this coming Tuesday, May 29th!
We are all relieved. I for one feel tired actually. Relieved and tired. No cloud nine, no euphoria, just thankful, relieved and tired.
Glory to God for His abundant mercy and goodness that He keeps pouring down in and on my life...
Waiting
God, as always, is wise in His timing. We are awaiting Pentecost. One of my good friends told me of a priest’s sermon she heard while on vacation. She said it was about three lines. About not using the Pascal greeting, not using the Christ in our midst greeting (I am guessing this priest was referring to using the Ascension greeting, which I believe the reply is something to the effect of “Christ ascended into glory”; my Matuska referred to it last Thursday in the church kitchen). Then, if we do not use the two greetings, this priest said, what do we do? His answer: we wait.
Wait and watch for Pentecost.
My Grandmother loves the verses about waiting on the Lord; my Grandfather use to sing in churches – he had a lovely voice and he was more good-looking than Elvis – I’ve seen pictures. Anyway my Grandfather used to sing a song about waiting on the Lord.
I miss my Grandfather. I never did have any one on one conversations with him, like I should have, though I did have some special ones with both of my Grandparents. But I am still learning about him and I really need to make continued work of finding out more while my Grandmother is still in good health.
I know my Grandfather, who many prayed for over a year ago when he died, had a heart for God and for spreading His Gospel. My priest once told me, when I was worrying over my relatives who know nothing of the Orthodox church, that God does not hold people responsible for what they did not know. Well, my Grandfather is a testimony to me still. His last words to me, over the phone, were that prayer is the best thing. This was after telling him that all my churches were praying for him (I have been part of 4 orthodox churches). Of course he also got what they call “a kick” out of this fact; Elizabeth being enthusiastically loving to the end of his earthly life.
I am so glad I am Orthodox, and know that I can pray still for my Grandfather; and I hear him prayed for every Saturday at vespers. I am so blessed and I love my church here.
So I am waiting. Drinking hot camomile lemon Tetley tea in a heavy blue and white teacup and waiting. I keep thinking of the prayer glory to You for Your longsuffering that we sang during the Bridegroom Matins. I must become like Christ through waiting.
Wait and watch for Pentecost.
My Grandmother loves the verses about waiting on the Lord; my Grandfather use to sing in churches – he had a lovely voice and he was more good-looking than Elvis – I’ve seen pictures. Anyway my Grandfather used to sing a song about waiting on the Lord.
I miss my Grandfather. I never did have any one on one conversations with him, like I should have, though I did have some special ones with both of my Grandparents. But I am still learning about him and I really need to make continued work of finding out more while my Grandmother is still in good health.
I know my Grandfather, who many prayed for over a year ago when he died, had a heart for God and for spreading His Gospel. My priest once told me, when I was worrying over my relatives who know nothing of the Orthodox church, that God does not hold people responsible for what they did not know. Well, my Grandfather is a testimony to me still. His last words to me, over the phone, were that prayer is the best thing. This was after telling him that all my churches were praying for him (I have been part of 4 orthodox churches). Of course he also got what they call “a kick” out of this fact; Elizabeth being enthusiastically loving to the end of his earthly life.
I am so glad I am Orthodox, and know that I can pray still for my Grandfather; and I hear him prayed for every Saturday at vespers. I am so blessed and I love my church here.
So I am waiting. Drinking hot camomile lemon Tetley tea in a heavy blue and white teacup and waiting. I keep thinking of the prayer glory to You for Your longsuffering that we sang during the Bridegroom Matins. I must become like Christ through waiting.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Classic Elizabeth (or at least Sheepish Elizabeth)
I can still take the cake but I sure am missing the ice cream. So no news on the job front. I called a friend out West for moral support. forgetting that TODAY is her Birthday. Yes, and we have known each other for nearly TEN years. Matter-a-fact years ago when I was in Michigan I called her on her birthday, not realizing it was her birthday. SIGH. and she always remembers my birthday.
sheepish for sure. Thank God that I have been given patient friends who excel in being gracious.
well, if you would pass me that shovel over there, I will try to start digging myself out... while trying not to dirty my semi-clean wool...
sheepish for sure. Thank God that I have been given patient friends who excel in being gracious.
well, if you would pass me that shovel over there, I will try to start digging myself out... while trying not to dirty my semi-clean wool...
Sunday, May 20, 2007
quiet happiness
i had the honour and extreme privilege of seeing John Samuel be baptised!
Later, when i was in my church, i had the images of the baptism coming in and out of my vision during liturgy. Of course i told everyone (okay not everyone but those who know me and also the parents) about the baptism. i was full of joy...
i am aware of a contentment that comes from being in my liturgical routine, and knowing that there is a various church things to go to this week.
so i am thankful - for the normal routine things of life and for a church to work out salvation in...
Many many Years to newly baptised and illumined John Samuel!
Later, when i was in my church, i had the images of the baptism coming in and out of my vision during liturgy. Of course i told everyone (okay not everyone but those who know me and also the parents) about the baptism. i was full of joy...
i am aware of a contentment that comes from being in my liturgical routine, and knowing that there is a various church things to go to this week.
so i am thankful - for the normal routine things of life and for a church to work out salvation in...
Many many Years to newly baptised and illumined John Samuel!
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Discovering a blog and discussing the self
Wow.
I have just discovered this:
http://janotec.typepad.com/terrace/2007/05/why_i_am_not_a_.html
And the blog it is from - http://janotec.typepad.com/terrace/
What should I say? I am relieved to find a blog that not only acknowledges literature and the importance of words (I was an English major) but that speaks to the concerns I am seeing. Concerns that are only growing in me; I have been wondering how to explain my thoughts on why social justice is NOT enough and is NOT to be the main focus of a Christian’s life but is to be a normal part of it.
I have studied a lot of things over the years. I find myself still thinking of it. I have gone, in the last 13 years from diving into liberal thought (through feminism), back to a more conservative stance, only to dive back into it, but not to the same extreme, and then: I read Kathleen Norris’ Cloister Walk. Though this, and the prayers of my roommate-at-the-time I started journeying out of feminism and into a deeper understanding of the world, of tradition, of what it is like to live as a free person. I have a lot of hope now, because of Norris’ struggle and study; I was introduced to many saints and began to understand the greater complexity and depth of the past and of tradition. At the same time I began realizing how feminist theory was way too simple and failed to do what it thought it was setting out to accomplish.
Now I can see – feminist and other gender theory was and is destroying the understanding of a human person, not to mention destroying the understanding of what it is to be a man or to be a woman. Some theory, from what I remember of it, even doubted the ability to communicate at all, using language. Ironic, isn’t it, that they could use language to say this. Hmmm. OF COURSE I would need to re-study this to remember exactly what was going on. However my memory is not fully faulty!
There is a lot, within what is called gender theory, that says that there is no human self, that all of gender and self-understanding and personhood is constructed, has not essentialness, no grounding in reality. They doubt the conception of reality and saying that all of reality, as we see it, is from a constructed framework, put on us instead of being within us.
This denies so many things. It denies:
*the Holy Spirit
*the soul
*God as the Creator
*the world being inside of the Church, not the other way around
*Christ as in the Incarnation – Human and Divine – Christ did not become a person that was constructed by His surroundings! He was Himself all the way through, consistently, faithfully, without wavering
*the resurrection of the dead and the final judgement
*human agency and responsibility (and it denies that it denies this point)
It denies this:
24 "The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. 25 And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. 26 From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. 27 God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 28' For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.’
Acts 17: 24-28 NKJV
I have just discovered this:
http://janotec.typepad.com/terrace/2007/05/why_i_am_not_a_.html
And the blog it is from - http://janotec.typepad.com/terrace/
What should I say? I am relieved to find a blog that not only acknowledges literature and the importance of words (I was an English major) but that speaks to the concerns I am seeing. Concerns that are only growing in me; I have been wondering how to explain my thoughts on why social justice is NOT enough and is NOT to be the main focus of a Christian’s life but is to be a normal part of it.
I have studied a lot of things over the years. I find myself still thinking of it. I have gone, in the last 13 years from diving into liberal thought (through feminism), back to a more conservative stance, only to dive back into it, but not to the same extreme, and then: I read Kathleen Norris’ Cloister Walk. Though this, and the prayers of my roommate-at-the-time I started journeying out of feminism and into a deeper understanding of the world, of tradition, of what it is like to live as a free person. I have a lot of hope now, because of Norris’ struggle and study; I was introduced to many saints and began to understand the greater complexity and depth of the past and of tradition. At the same time I began realizing how feminist theory was way too simple and failed to do what it thought it was setting out to accomplish.
Now I can see – feminist and other gender theory was and is destroying the understanding of a human person, not to mention destroying the understanding of what it is to be a man or to be a woman. Some theory, from what I remember of it, even doubted the ability to communicate at all, using language. Ironic, isn’t it, that they could use language to say this. Hmmm. OF COURSE I would need to re-study this to remember exactly what was going on. However my memory is not fully faulty!
There is a lot, within what is called gender theory, that says that there is no human self, that all of gender and self-understanding and personhood is constructed, has not essentialness, no grounding in reality. They doubt the conception of reality and saying that all of reality, as we see it, is from a constructed framework, put on us instead of being within us.
This denies so many things. It denies:
*the Holy Spirit
*the soul
*God as the Creator
*the world being inside of the Church, not the other way around
*Christ as in the Incarnation – Human and Divine – Christ did not become a person that was constructed by His surroundings! He was Himself all the way through, consistently, faithfully, without wavering
*the resurrection of the dead and the final judgement
*human agency and responsibility (and it denies that it denies this point)
It denies this:
24 "The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. 25 And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. 26 From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. 27 God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 28' For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.’
Acts 17: 24-28 NKJV
Friday, May 18, 2007
I am reading...
Gilead by Marilynne Robinson.
It is safe to say that this is going to be one of the best new books I have read this year.
Elizabeth Goudge, who is one of my favourites, is of course near the top of my list... but this newer author is quite something!
Matter-a-fact I think she ranks up there with Walker Percy, who I really need to read more of someday. Not to mention that Annie Dillard is supposed to have a new book out soon...
Other authors I am currently reading or reading about:
*biography of Dorothy Sayers
*Agatha Christie
*May Sarton
*Rod Dreher
*DE Stevenson (Mrs Tim gets a job; England, war time; a happy book)
*a Miss Read book
*got three Elizabeth Goudge books I have not read yet (figured I needed the encouragement)
*Marilynne Robinson (have 3 of her 4 books at home currently)
*Lee Smith
*Josephine Tey
(also Raymond Chandler's letters, and an early book by Anne Marrow Lindbergh, but I own these books and so find I take longer to read them!...just picked them up again)
light fun fiction:
*Laura Childs
*second newest from Mary Higgins Clark
The public library is a great service!
I really do recommend the book Gilead by M Robinson - I find it incredibly well-written and insightful. And wonderfully humbling because the writing is so well-crafted, as if carved slowly out of choice wood, that it puts all that I have written to shame.
It is safe to say that this is going to be one of the best new books I have read this year.
Elizabeth Goudge, who is one of my favourites, is of course near the top of my list... but this newer author is quite something!
Matter-a-fact I think she ranks up there with Walker Percy, who I really need to read more of someday. Not to mention that Annie Dillard is supposed to have a new book out soon...
Other authors I am currently reading or reading about:
*biography of Dorothy Sayers
*Agatha Christie
*May Sarton
*Rod Dreher
*DE Stevenson (Mrs Tim gets a job; England, war time; a happy book)
*a Miss Read book
*got three Elizabeth Goudge books I have not read yet (figured I needed the encouragement)
*Marilynne Robinson (have 3 of her 4 books at home currently)
*Lee Smith
*Josephine Tey
(also Raymond Chandler's letters, and an early book by Anne Marrow Lindbergh, but I own these books and so find I take longer to read them!...just picked them up again)
light fun fiction:
*Laura Childs
*second newest from Mary Higgins Clark
The public library is a great service!
I really do recommend the book Gilead by M Robinson - I find it incredibly well-written and insightful. And wonderfully humbling because the writing is so well-crafted, as if carved slowly out of choice wood, that it puts all that I have written to shame.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Happy Feast Day!
I am off to church for morning liturgy. This is the good part of being unemployed!
God is good and His mercy endures forever...
The Joy of the Feast!
God is good and His mercy endures forever...
The Joy of the Feast!
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
in two hours...
the installation of my internet was finished--20 minutes on phone to install the router here i am at home, with internet.
sadly no news of job yet. nothing. not one peep. the waiting...
i cannot complain though. i get a break from work and that has been great. i have not had days to rest like this in a long time - i had some days last summer - but they were never fully calm days, as i was in the midst of an intense last term of my librarian degree and was looking to move back to ottawa.
i am still hoping i will get one of the jobs i interviewed for.
meanwhile, my house is getting clean and my errands are still just beginning.
i better get moving on this!
sadly no news of job yet. nothing. not one peep. the waiting...
i cannot complain though. i get a break from work and that has been great. i have not had days to rest like this in a long time - i had some days last summer - but they were never fully calm days, as i was in the midst of an intense last term of my librarian degree and was looking to move back to ottawa.
i am still hoping i will get one of the jobs i interviewed for.
meanwhile, my house is getting clean and my errands are still just beginning.
i better get moving on this!
Friday, May 11, 2007
nothing yet
Well. I was supposed to work on getting internet today, but I did not. (am at the public library). My job is done now and I am waiting to hear about the 2 interviews. the one year Mat Leave position did call my boss for a reference.
It is the waiting and not being able to plan for my summer that is hard.
but God has been very good to me and it is upon Him that i wait...
It is the waiting and not being able to plan for my summer that is hard.
but God has been very good to me and it is upon Him that i wait...
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
age and needing God's mercy
i was a volunteer this morning and was asked:
1. are you a student volunteer (no i am a real librarian!)
2. upon writing a list - are you writing your Christmas list? (no, i am writing a list of what i want for my apartment, a list i write when ever i am bored)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
sigh. clearly i have much work to do. i should not mind so much to be assumed to be young, but i still do. and being asked about what i am writing, was strange.
lots to learn in how to love - how to be patient, generous, long-suffering, to live in humility.
well. that's how it is for now.
i still do not know about job future; my job is done this thursday.
i am relieved that God is full of long-suffering and mercy; i need both...
1. are you a student volunteer (no i am a real librarian!)
2. upon writing a list - are you writing your Christmas list? (no, i am writing a list of what i want for my apartment, a list i write when ever i am bored)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
sigh. clearly i have much work to do. i should not mind so much to be assumed to be young, but i still do. and being asked about what i am writing, was strange.
lots to learn in how to love - how to be patient, generous, long-suffering, to live in humility.
well. that's how it is for now.
i still do not know about job future; my job is done this thursday.
i am relieved that God is full of long-suffering and mercy; i need both...
Friday, May 04, 2007
still waiting
i made it through another interview! and i think that one was the best one yet. have no idea at the outcome, but was thinking of Psalm 16 and how God can bring us to the right, even pleasant, place...
i am so tired now - the test and interview last week and then another interview this week.
this weekend i am going to be quiet, stay home (other than sat and sun church), watch movies that i like (yea public library!), clean and seek the stillness that is of God.
(FYI: i still do not have internet at home, so i am not able to comment much (am writing this during my lunch hour) ... i hope to be rectifying this situation in the next few weeks) ... i am still reading various blogs, but do not have time to comment.)
i am so tired now - the test and interview last week and then another interview this week.
this weekend i am going to be quiet, stay home (other than sat and sun church), watch movies that i like (yea public library!), clean and seek the stillness that is of God.
(FYI: i still do not have internet at home, so i am not able to comment much (am writing this during my lunch hour) ... i hope to be rectifying this situation in the next few weeks) ... i am still reading various blogs, but do not have time to comment.)