(note yesterday marked half a year until i am 30!) [that is not what this post is about though; just wanted to note it]

Well. This has been quite the day; the handmaiden that I got this week was all about suffering—including illness leading to death. I was surprised that within the same week to learn of my former classmates’ cancer; I wrote a blog entry about it and then misposted it to Spruce Island instead of my own blog. With the way aggregators work etc I felt that it was not worth taking it off and reposting it here.

I was able, with the encouragement of a current classmate, to apply to a job; and to be confident.

It seems these days I am anything but confident; more like shaking like a leaf and being unsure of every breath – well – almost that bad at times anyway.

I am not sure how to get out of this feeling that I have at times; this summer is really hard for me in that I have very few friends who I see in person; I think I always get a bit more off balance when I am alone too much; but being alone is not always a choice; I remember reading a book, I think a mystery book actually, that made the very significant distinction, explaining the difference between loneliness and solitude: you can chose solitudes, but loneliness is often found when you do not have a choice; you are alone by circumstances, by default.

I had some really good friends in my LIS year last year, but they have all moved away, graduated etc. There is only one person I see regularly that I know from last year; and then a few others who I see in class only who I knew from before.

I am hoping to go to Ottawa in a few weeks – I really want to go to confession with my spiritual father; I have really missed this.

My priest here in London is great—but one only has one spiritual father; I would not expect my priest here to replace what I had in Ottawa—not only would that be unrealistic, it would not be fair, as no one person – including priests – is alike.

This past year has held some new and at times intense challenges for me – a lot has changed (most of it things that I do not blog about; private/public lives are not always to be mixed) – sometimes it seems that maybe I have handled these changes well; other times I have been struggling to hold on, to know what to do.

I am really hoping to have a job of some sort come September, as this will be how I will be able to get another apartment to live in. I find that having a place to live by myself (and now with Cute Cat Cleo) does help my ability to handle the things that life has thrown at me. I am so grateful that God has given me places that I can make temporary homes/refuges in.

Meanwhile, I really hope to go to Ottawa in a few weeks…

… May the Lord have mercy on us all!

Question for today:

How do we make decisions on where we live, where we put our money? I read (and need to reread) an article in the handmaiden late last night that talked about materialism—and not encouraging the urge to consume, to buy things, to keep ‘getting’. And that the North American culture is such a culture of entitlement—as in we feel entitled to all the good things. Similar to what my library class (I am taking two medical LIS courses) professors said yesterday: people do not expect to be sick and if they do not feel well, they expect to get a cure. So what are deliberate ways we can live for God with our possessions and money choices and also in considerations for ‘career advancement’ and constantly living up or beyond the salary we make? Any thoughts?

I think with this is the question of how do/can we learn to live in constant gratitude and contentment?

A long week

Well. All I can say is that I am surviving—I have been extremely overly exhausted from being away for 5 days; I applied to a job today (and then accidentally emailed the autosend email thanking me for my submission; ahhhhhh! Funny but not funny all in one).

I am working on a presentation and seeking to regain energy and strength. I am hoping for a quiet weekend where I can get work done, go to church and feel more whole again.

I am so thankful for friends who support me (i.e. listen to me) when the going seems a bit harder.

And of course I am grateful to God for sustaining me through all sorts of days.

on my way back to my summer '06 home

Well I am in Detroit; it is pouring rain outside, the kind of rain that is blowing, soaking everything, is coming down fast and on a slant because of the wind. It is not the kind of rain that gardeners want, as it comes too quickly to soak into the ground; it runs off instead.

I am so tired! Whenever I visit my family I am up late at night, up again in the morning and busy all day in between sleep and waking. On Thursday I went to garage sales, a thrift store, had tea and lunch at my aunt’s house and talked. I got lots of things of course – the real surprise being 2 icons – never thought I would be given 2 icons at a garage sale in GR MI! I also got tons of candles, 2 shirts and some other kitchen things. I spend the whole night with my favourite cousin and then Friday I used to work on resumes and I packed almost all of my fragile things that are still at my parents home – teacups and saucers, tea plates, Holly Hobbie things and other decorations. Saturday was my close friend’s wedding – she was beautiful of course – and the wedding and reception went well. I am so honoured to have her in my life. That night I finished the packing of breakables after falling into an exhausted sleep on my parent’s couch. Sunday was church and visits with family for Father’s Day. My Grandmother gave me her bread machine.

I feel more and more that I am in the process of carving out a life for myself; I am more and more wanting a real apartment, with good paint and space for all of my (many) belongings. I have been waiting for over 10 years for this, and hope that I can have a job so I can move almost all of my things to Ottawa.

Meanwhile I will keep praying for this, and asking for God’s mercy and guidance.

Wow! Unexpected Provision, Take Two

I am nearly fully astounded I think. First this morning left on the grad lounge table was a lovely soft cover large thick Cookbook called The Recipe Encyclopedia: the complete illustrated guide to cooking. When things are left on this table it is like the Side of the Road: FREE. So I now have this really cool cookbook, with great pictures!

[Side note: this of course is another reason to visit me and the others from St. Herman’s who DV will be living in Ottawa… I have another great source for making good food!]

Here is what really surprised me (and I was quite happy with the cookbook…) I found out today that I got a graduate bursary of 2 grand. Wow. I can totally save a bit of money for moving etc! This is incredible.

Though the fact that this week I have felt quite peaceful in general is an even bigger miracle. I am so grateful…

And to top it off I am going home to MI to DV:

*see one of my closest friends get married
*see family
*see other good friends
*go garage sale shopping with some female family members (mom, sister, cousin, aunts)
*go to my church in MI (I have 4 ½ churches)
*avoid doing homework!
*work on job resume
*hang out with my parents (and bug my Mom esp. … I have been advocating for some homemade chocolate chip cookies)

And of course this is a Fast-Free week! For the Feast of Pentecost. It is nice to have some feasting. I am praying that all goes well for me this week as I leave…

Hope everyone else is doing well…

short update -- and prayer opportunity! :)

I am going to be applying for two medical librarian positions in Ottawa! I have been blessed with a classmate (beginning her PhD) helping me with my resume…

This Wednesday I am going home to MI for one of my closet friend’s wedding! I look forward to a break and to seeing her, my family and church…

The job applications are due June 23 and June 30 – please pray!