sealed

The blog/journal entries/emails done less than a week from a funeral I always find to be strange; I can remember when my Grandfather died, it was strange to be experiencing happiness; yet it happens. Fr. John Scratch and his loss are never far from my consciousness, nor are the spiritual gifts his life gave me.

To the point that when I write of Fr. John, I cannot think of much else.

What I wanted to quick write about is inline with what he taught me through this life… even through the week of funeral services, I learned that I had really become orthodox; as if it is sealed more deeply within me… that this is right, this Church, this life is what I have always been looking for…

A week of learning

Not only did I learn from Fr. John Scratch’s life, as Bishop Seraphim challenged us to live a life of repentance as Fr. John did, but my priest’s words have stayed with me—if you wonder why someone has not grown, it is because they have not repented.

I read a book entitled Return, published by a small Greek press… in English produced in Pennsylvania (a state otherwise, in my life, known as orthodox-central; just look at this map: http://orthodoxyinamerica.org./sr/geo_gate.php). This book (sorry I do not remember the subtitle, though I remember it is written by an archimandrite) really floored me; it was like something in me shifted and I understood the call to live a life of repentance in a new way.

Now I am rethinking what this means for how I have lived, and what I think the meaning/purpose of life is…

overwhelming beauty and bright sadness

I am sitting at my desk at work right now; I feel extremely dazed; I went to all of the services for Fr. John Scratch and the grief, as well as the intensity in intimacy that the services gave, is still overwhelming. I have not had a good night’s sleep since he died; the first two nights I would wake up, crying; like I did when my Grandfather died—whose name was also John—the last two nights I have woken up and thought of him, of his family who miss him, and of the services… I am still overwhelmed by the sheer somber and great beauty of the services; it was very profound.

I wish I could explain what I had the great honour of being part of, but for now I must keep working and hope to rest in a few hours, when work is over for the day…

Memory Eternal to Fr. John … and many prayers said for his family and his church….

Fr. John Scratch

These days have been very hectic and I have not posted much; with Fr. John Scratch’s falling asleep, I have been very blessed to be part of memorial services and to think of the various times I saw him; I remember telling Cheryl more than once that I missed him, as I had not seen him in a while…

my heart is full of thoughts of him, of the Cathedral and those who are in grief because of his passing...

thoughts at noon hour

Today, I am sad to say, is a more dreary dismal weather day in Ottawa. Gone is the snow falling, instead we had freezing rain. And for some reason the sidewalks are not being properly salted today and it is the noon hour and parts of it are still slippery! Sigh. And I had wanted to take a walk…

On a positive note, I hope to do some baking soon! Maybe a strawberry cake with almonds on top; also plan on making a vegan chocolate cake; of course I really also have to clean my house, but baking is way more fun!

God’s provision

When I read Dave’s post about a tax refund providing for him, I had no idea that I would be receiving one that would help me too!! And I did! God totally provided for me…I am so thankful and again surprised and humbled by His timely provision.

NOTE: everyone must read Stacy’s comment on my last post. So FUNNY. Thanks Stacy. Maybe someday we can visit and I can cook for you!!!

At random

Some thoughts: one, I took care of the silly phone calls—left a message clearly asserting that I did own the phone number they were calling and that I wished them not to call. Not a peep heard since.

Two, I got the all new joy of cooking for my Once-in-a-Lifetime-Golden-Birthday from my parents and I am loving it. I am looking forward to cooking with it for DV many years to come.

Three, I am not able to blog much of late, as a few people have commented to me—the holidays have been so incredibly busy and since I have been back I Ottawa the wireless I was ‘borrowing’ has not been available and so I am not online much. However, this is not always such a bad thing, but it does add a bit of an inconvenience to accomplishing certain things, such as blogging.

Four, I had my Christmas this weekend. The vigil was very beautiful; as was the service this morning; the singing was first rate and it felt very good and intimate as a church family. I am always amazed at the community that I have found here and how some of my new friends really love me so abundantly.

Uh-Oh

I think I am feeling stressed, though I often am feeling quite peaceful. There have been a family phoning me for someone else that they happen (so I can tell by the voice mails) they think has betrayed them, I think finically. As I have caller ID, I called them back yesterday saying they had the wrong number. Today the guy called back, venom dripping in the voice mail message, starting by saying “yeah Elizabeth” and going on to give his message to the person who he *thinks* my phone number belongs to. How do I know I am stressed? Inside I got really mad at this guy who I have absolutely no connection with for leaving a venomous message.

Well. I will have to attend to this [stress-level] and such.

Please pray for me, as I seek to live at peace…

returning to ottawa

DV [Lord Willing] I will be back on Tuesday. Please pray for me as I travel...Thank you. May God be with all who read this...