roosje: (little rose)

Thought we could all use a taste of summer

2012-01-28T22:56:00.004-05:00

Just look at that yellow colour...

Winter sure can be a bit of a slog,

can it not?

Lots of slush on the sidewalks here

snow melting into puddles upon puddles

all to be avoided

when walking to church.

I am helping a friend with her paper

for school and am thrilled to be

helping her

in her very significant endeavour.

Um, I can feel Lent is coming;

I love Lent for it's focus

for being in church more

for standing in church with my spiritual father

praying the Canon of St. Andrew of Crete

and going to the presanctified liturgies on Fridays.

Lent is also a time of great temptation

and for me often a time of great personal

loss or pain.

So as much as I long for lent,

being with my church family more,

focusing my life,

giving what Fr. Thomas Hopko calls

our tithe to the church,

the tithe of the year

I think I need to listen/read that podcast again

(on the tithe of the year).

Noah continues to struggle.

So many need our prayers...

May God be our help and protection.

Prayers Requested...

2012-01-26T17:52:00.003-05:00

Latest Facebook update from Noah's Mom Kate:

VERY bad labs today. Liver numbers are 50 times higher than they should be (they are measuring the enzymes put off by the death of liver tissue) and rocketing up fast. They were 1,100 a week ago and are 1,800 as of today. BUN is up only slightly (bad kidney number) but Noah always has a lower than normal BUN so having it elevated is significant. Bili is up a bit and there are lots of other labs that are off.

Worse of all, the MRSA is still growing out in his urine after almost 2 weeks of antibiotics, AND he is growing out another bacteria as well now. Yes, he GOT a new bladder infection while on antibiotics. Both bugs are obviously resistant to the Zyvox he is on.

The swelling continues to worsen. He doesn't look like the same child. He is still as sweet as ever, though, and he just doesn't complain. He did get teary and choked up yesterday and quietly told me that Mary Faith gets to go to birthday parties and to friends houses and he can't go to them anymore. I loved on him and told reminded him that he's been to lots of birthday parties, but he wasn't buying it - he was sad that he can't go anymore. He also pointed out that he can't play hide and seek anymore because it is too hard to walk.

I don't know how much more my heart can handle.

Please also remember my Grandma who is still recovering from her fall.
She is getting better but is still very tired and has some pain.

Short Term Contract

2012-01-26T11:57:00.002-05:00

Much to my surprise I just got word

that I have a short term contract for

1.5 months

and it is only a 5 minute walk from my home.

The contract may continue after March

but it is yet to be determined.

I start God willing February 16th.

Have lots to do to get ready...

I of course called my Mom

to tell her the good news

and said how happy Oma would be to hear

of my new work contract

and I told my Mom I would ask God to tell her in heaven...

St. John of Kronstadt

2012-01-24T19:58:00.002-05:00

In all your works, either at home or at the place of your service, do not forget that all your strength, your light and your success are in Christ and His Cross; therefore, do not fail to call upon the Lord before beginning any work, saying: Jesus, help me! Jesus, enlighten me! Thus your heart will be supported and warmed by lively faith and hope in Christ, for His is the power and glory unto ages of ages.

St. John of Kronstadt

Noah's Foundation

2012-01-23T19:40:00.002-05:00

Please go here to see the

foundation that Noah's family

has started in Noah's honour,

with imput from Noah.

It's very dear.

Noah continues to struggle mightly

and needs our prayers.

Noah is very sick - please pray

2012-01-13T21:25:00.003-05:00

Latest blog update:

We are right back where we were three weeks ago today. Noah's fever has continued to climb and isn't responding to fever meds (tylenol and ibuprofen alternating every 4 hours). His fever was 104.9 the last two times we checked.

He now has some fluid in his right lung, which is where the fluid build up started last time. The difference is that last time, we gave lasix which eventually worked to pull the fluid off. He's been on lasix ever since then, and this time he's getting the fluid in spite of the lasix. I just spoke to his infusion pharmacist and he said that the other good choices for diuretics are not available IV. Unless they can find something IV that will work on this fluid, it could continue to fill his lungs.

He is making urine, but it is very dark - butterscotch colored. He is retching a LOT. He's insisting on sleeping sitting up - I've managed to put the head of his bed back just enough so that he isn't falling forward, but with every tiny adjustment back he opens his eyes and shakes his head "no." It probably helps him breathe better to be upright so we're only barely reclining him.

Any touch or movement makes him start retching again, so I don't even feel like I can climb into bed and snuggle with him. I slept on an inflatable mattress by his side all night - using the word "slept" very loosely of course.

Please go here to send Kate a word of comfort during this time.

Prayers for those in need

2012-01-12T14:59:00.002-05:00

Noah is ill again.

Let us pray for all those who are

struggling.

May the Mother of God help, protect,

shelter and comfort.

Cleo

2012-01-09T23:57:00.002-05:00

I did a huge pre-spring cleaning today of my

apartment.

Above is where I found Cleo when I turned

my back for 1 minute!

Holy Supper

2012-01-06T23:33:00.004-05:00

Did a simple version of the Holy Supper.

Borscht, Perogies, Bread, Fruits.

The bread I saved from my Oma's

Panahkyda.

Today liturgically is her birthday;

as well as in actuality my Grandpa's birthday;

I talked to my Grandma today

as I try to always do to remember my

Grandfather;

my Grandma always told him he was born on the

12th day of Christmas,

Epiphany as they know it....

The borscht turned out really well!

Did it a simple way as I did not have

a lot of time.

1 can beets with juice

1 can northern white beans

2 very big carrots chopped up small

3 large potatoes chopped up small

half of a larger can of tomato sauce

sauteed until caramelized onion with lots of margarine

added three or so cloves of garlic half way through

and some ground sea salt and pepper

chopped up and added lots of dill at the end.

Perogies with lots of caramelized onions

done in a generous amount of margarine.

Dried apricots and figs.

Water for dinner

and black tea afterwards,

as per request of guests.

It was a lovely meal!

Then we went to church for Great Compline and

the Litya.

We made it to Christmas Eve!!

Christ is born! Glorify Him!

Noah needs our prayers

2012-01-05T12:40:00.002-05:00

Latest update on Noah

from his Mom Kate Estes via FB:

*
Nurse just came to draw Noah's labs. NO blood return from either lumen! :-( In other words, a clot or fibrin sheath is blocking his central line. Waiting to hear from the doctor. PLEASE pray.

Cleo Care in early January 2012

2012-01-05T10:48:00.002-05:00

Dear friends:

I am taking Cleo to the vet for the first time

in some years today.

She is going to need a test done which involves a

needle.

She also does not like car rides and gets scared.

Please can I have any advice on how to get Cleo through this

and comfort her afterwards?

Thanks to some FB friends I have a good

beginning of what to do,

but want as much advice as possible...

January's Beginning - Peace, Loss and Prayer Requests

2012-01-02T23:31:00.003-05:00

Today was a day where I was quiet

and caught up with

various friends online

and by phone.

I found out that my Uncle, one of my Oma's sons,

fell on New Years Eve

and broke his pelvis.

Lord have mercy.

He is still in hospital and they can't do surgery

and there will have to be some rehab for him.

Please I ask your prayers.

One of my close friends just lost her Grandmother.

I am planning for both

a Holy Supper

and Christmas Day dinner.

What are your traditions for Christmas dinner?

I am thinking of a slow cooker roast beef

with carrots and potatoes.

Would love to hear your suggestions.

Today was a bank holiday

and I have not heard yet about the job

I applied for.

Tomorrow is another day.

God is very good to us

and will not leave us

in all times

and places.

New Year

2012-01-01T19:27:00.002-05:00

Today after liturgy

I had my Oma's memorial service.

This was very good;

I wish already for another one for her...

My friends and I went out to eat afterwards in

memory of her

since there exceptionally was not a church meal

after liturgy today.

Grief is no easy thing but it was a relief

to have these prayers in the church for her.

As much as I had wished to have my house

clean for New Years

I was too sick to manage getting the whole house

prepared.

I am slowly getting better from the bad

chest cold I have been having

and was able to go to my friend's New Years Eve

Dinner party which was really nice.

I am hoping to get my house cleaned tomorrow

and that I finally will be well enough to do so.

I love my strand of white lights

that a dear friend gave me.

I hope to host the Holy Supper

again this Christmas Eve

which is this Friday.

I have not heard yet about the job proposal that

I submitted and hope to hear tomorrow.

The whole job searching thing I find

very difficult.

It was so good to have the service for my Oma today.

I really miss her but felt more sure

of being near her in Christ

during the prayers for her at church

and this is indeed a deep blessing.

A Week Before Christmas...

2011-12-30T16:58:00.003-05:00

After a great and beautiful day

yesterday

today my chest cold is back.

I am making a good supper in hopes

of regaining some strength.

Thanking God that He sent his Son

our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ

on Christmas day...

Updates

2011-12-29T21:28:00.001-05:00

Kate, Noah's Mom,

updated her blog on how Noah is doing.

It was wonderful to be at the monastery

and to have children such as Noah prayed for.

A small prayer request for me-

it seems that the rash I have gotten before

is back again.

Thankfully I know what to do and God willing

it subside soon.

Still I admit it is a bit of a bummer to have

return again but God is with us

and will not abandon us.

Day at the Monastery

2011-12-29T21:21:00.004-05:00

It was so wonderful to be at

the monastery.

So beautiful.

Beautiful day,

my favourite weather - sunny, cold, snow on the ground,

so good to see the sisters there.

Loved this Christmas greeting in French!

Soon will God willing be the new year

and after this

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at my church.

I have a lot to be thankful for

and give thanks to God for such a beautiful first day

of my 35th year!

Beginning of 35

2011-12-29T08:03:00.002-05:00

God willing I am off the monastery soon!

My Mom gave me cute china egg holders

so I think I will have a lovely

tea/brunch for a

later birthday party

and use them!

Please pray for our travels as it has snowed in Ottawa this week!

Thanking God for year 35!!

End of 34

2011-12-28T22:11:00.003-05:00

Well.

Tomorrow I turn 35.

I'm please about it.

A new year,

with new things to hope for...

Tomorrow I am Lord willing

going to the Greek monastery for the day.

I can't think of a better way to

spend my birthday than this.

I've been sick with a bad chest cold

for a good while;

I really hope for the strength to go tomorrow.

I had a great evening and dinner with good friends

tonight,

a lovely last night to being 34.

I am grateful for all I have been given,

including my family

and my Oma whose panahkyda I hope to do

this coming Sunday.

I am grateful for little things,

like finding my silver ring

that I wear in memory of my Grandfather

that my Grandma got for me after he

died, by my request.

I am grateful for each of you

and for all of God's mercy and goodness.

Latest on Noah

2011-12-27T16:28:00.002-05:00

From Noah's Mom via FB:

Praising the Lord for a sweet nurse friend (she was Noah's home health nurse most of his life) who came and spent the night with him last night and did all his meds so Jeff and I could sleep. In the not-at-all-good news front, we found out today that Noah's urine is infected with MRSA. Moving to aggressive antibiotic coverage tonight and praying that this doesn't hit his bloodstream. He's allergic to some of the best antibiotics for this infection, unfortunately. In addition to the regular prayer requests, please pray for sleep, rest, and peace for Noah. He has been VERY agitated for the last 20 hours or so. He cries when he's awake, he cries when he's asleep, and he only sleeps tiny bits at a time.

Prayers for this evening

2011-12-26T18:48:00.004-05:00

Such a blessing I have been given in a quiet day.

As we continue to pray for Noah,

can I please also ask prayers for my beloved

blog friend MamaJuliana?

She has had two surgeries this past year

and is to have another tomorrow

at 1:30 PM.

Asking your prayers.

Quiet and Remembering

2011-12-26T12:04:00.005-05:00

I had begun fasting on the new calendar

for Christmas

so I could celebrate with friends in Ottawa

since I am not able to be with my family.

We have a nice dinner together.

I got to hold my godson.

I realized that

today I have to reserve as a quiet day.

Still recovering from my chest cold

and realized I needed a day

to remember my Oma

as I am still

processing her passing

from life to life.

I am greatly looking forward

God willing

to the panakhyda for her this coming Sunday.

Noah - Fighting and Struggling

2011-12-25T23:38:00.003-05:00

Please pray for Noah that

he will be comforted and not afraid about

leaving his family in order to

go to heaven with Jesus.

Pray for Kate and Jeff his parents for strength

and for every mercy...

His siblings, including Matthew.

For mercy - God's loving-kindness.

Please see here for the latest on Noah.

Christmas Eve, Part 2

2011-12-24T17:02:00.002-05:00

Noah woke up today

and was sitting up in bed,

his mother Kate related to us today via FB.

Thanking God for this mercy.

It is still a very hard situation...

I called my MI Aunt,

my Mom's oldest sister,

since I had missed calling her for her birthday

and today is/would of been/was my Oma's

103 birthday.

So we are all thinking of my Oma a lot.

My first Christmas (n.c.)

without family.

I am physically exhausted from my cold but

am really hoping to make it to part of vigil

as there are special icons there of the

Mother of God.

I also hope to make it to o.c. liturgy at my church

tomorrow and dinner with my close

friends later that day.

The goodness is that Christ came on Christmas to be with us

no matter the pain, joy or sorrow we find ourselves in.

Christmas Eve - December 24, 2011

2011-12-24T10:41:00.004-05:00

Today my is my Oma's 103 birthday

(I say this because she is still alive in heaven).

I am asking God to send my Oma

my love to her this day

through the Holy Spirit.

It is nice to know that we can do this...

I have been feeling unwell for a while

and now have a head/chest cold.

Drinking lots of tea and resting.

Don't know if I can make it to the Christmas dinners

I was to go to tomorrow.

All this is in God's hands.

Still praying for Noah,

no new news yet...

Lord have mercy on him

and his family.

Continued Prayers Needed

2011-12-23T22:21:00.003-05:00

Talked to my Grandma Ruth today.

She was in a lot of pain yesterday

but is doing a bit better today.

She is on pain killers

and still sounds very tired.

Please continue to pray for her

healing.

And of course we are all keeping vigil for

young precious Noah...

Here's the lastest update from his Mother Kate:

Noah is very gravely sick. He is a little better than he was earlier -
this afternoon both lungs were filling with fluid and he was not
responding to lasix - was barely peeing at all, in fact. A second dose
of lasix opened the floodgates and his lungs are much better, but
we've been cautioned that this not reason to get our hopes up too
much. This could go either way right now. He could recover or he could
have only a day or two - and anything in between. We've been
surrounded and blessed by the presence of people we love quietly
streaming in and out of the house to pray and just to sit. Perhaps the
greatest blessing of the day is that this afternoon Noah surprised us
all by waking up enough to open his present from Mommy and Daddy and
his present from his brother David. It took all he had, but he did it.
Thank you all for your continued prayers.

Noah - desperate shape

2011-12-23T11:23:00.002-05:00

from FB via Noah's Mom Kate:

Noah is sicker. He has more edema (swelling) and now has fluid in his lungs. He's vomiting and appears to be in pain. He is doing a little "barking" with each breath because his vocal cords are apparently starting to swell. We've just now jumped his pain meds up quite a bit, and phenergan, ativan, and lasix are coming. (The first two are for the nausea and the lasix should help him pee off some of this fluid.) We can and will get oxygen delivered if needed. The hospice nurse is here now and Dr. B will be coming over at some point. Dr. B is trying hard (please pray) to find a way to get him blood and/or platelets here locally - if Noah needs to be transfused (and he will soon at this rate), we can't drag him an hour and a half to Greenville to do so. We have a fairly large regional hospital a few minutes away, but they've refused to transfuse Noah even when he was healthy - they say his "needs are too overwhelming." I can't stand the thought of losing him if blood could help him get over this crisis, so please pray that we can work this out. He really can't be woken or roused at this point - may open his eyes if he vomits or retches, and has nodded his head in response to questions a few times, but then is immediately back out. ANYONE local who wants to come sit in the living room and pray is MORE than welcome - just come right in - you don't need to call or knock.

Sights Seen

2011-12-23T08:18:00.003-05:00

A small picture tour of what my

library friend and I saw on

the first half of our walks...

Outside of the NAC (National Arts Centre)

... there is always music playing

by this piano man

(speakers above not pictured)...

Entering the beautiful part of Ottawa...

I live about a 15 to 20 minute walk from this...

My first real library job

was about a mile down the street from here...

and was part of my falling in love with Ottawa...

The Chateau Laurier.

Beautifully kept up and very good food

and high tea.

Also quite costly so only a place I visit to look

at their historical photographs;

years ago when I had a good job and did not take a vacation

I went there with a friend who came to visit me

for high tea.

It was really lovely.

One of the hallways there...

Picture taken from an enclosed crosswalk

looking towards the Parliament buildings,

the Chateau being in the right hand corner...

I wish for a Canada of old more than what it is turning

into now but I still do love

Canada very much...

It was really nice to show my friend the Ottawa that

I know and love!

Nearing Christmas

2011-12-23T06:09:00.003-05:00

I had a library school friend visit

me this week;

it was really nice to see her again

and spend time with her.

We took various walks and had a nice lunch together yesterday.

The picture above is a bit of the cheer I saw on our last walk.

I went to the grocery store with her and

she noticed the really great sale on

these oranges and I bought some other things

plus these oranges

and she carried the oranges back for me.

They taste really great.

I've gotten some Christmas

plus one birthday card

so far and it brings a lot of cheer to me.

I have not been able to do cards yet

with everything happening with my Oma

and then recovering from that.

But I am hoping to get to some today.

I've gotten cards from some faithful friends

throughout the years and

never have been able to return

their blessings of cards with one from me.

I hope to do better this year,

even if it does miss new calendar Christmas!

I am thankful that on Christmas Eve

new calendar

that I can go to my friends church for a vigil

with some special icons.

This is the first (and I pray only) Christmas I

have had away from my family.

My good friend who is like a sister to me

whose third child I am the godmother to

is having me over for their families'

Christmas dinner

so that is a real blessing.

I did start the fast early so I can have a

western Christmas meal

and I am so glad I get one with such

dear friends.

I truly have a lot to be thankful for.

Urgent Prayer Request: Noah

2011-12-22T22:08:00.002-05:00

URGENT - Noah is running a fever. On hold with hospice now. Lord Jesus, give him Christmas. - Kate Estes Mother of Noah's new status. Please pray!!!!

The doctors, labs and meds are all on their way to Noah.

Please pray for them.

Kate had recently updated us all on keeping Noah

at home and honouring his wish to die at home.

Asking prayers...

Lord have mercy!!! Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy!

Most Holy Theotokos save and protect!

Lord Jesus being their comfort and shield!

My Oma: Part II - Entry of the Theotokos into the Temple

2011-12-22T20:18:00.004-05:00

The Theotokos, when she was three years old after the flesh, was led to the Lord; and Zacharias, the priest of God, received her in the temple with rejoicing and established her there.

My Oma was taken to heaven on the morning of the

feast of the entrance of the Theotokos into the Temple.

I had a ride to an old calendar church

that day

after sitting outside my parent's door as I knew

that a phone call at 7 in the morning meant

that my Oma had died.

When I was in the car riding to church

I realized that my Oma had been taken

on this feast day of the

Mother of God.

I told the priest about my Oma's death

before the service

and he commented about the Mother of God

taking my Oma home

and how he has seen icons of this feast

where it looks almost like the

Theotokos

at three years old

is skipping up the steps of the temple.

I found this incredibly comforting;

that the Mother of God had taken my Oma

on her feast day,

a day of entrances.

It must of been hard for St. Joachim and Anna to

let there child go.

But how wonderful that the Mother of God

came to the temple;

that she was prepared to bear Christ

the Saviour of the world.

I had never really noticed this feast in such a deep

way as the day my Oma died

and the Mother of God took her...

Today the living Temple of the holy glory of Christ our God,

she who alone among women is pure and blessed,

is offered in the temple of the Law,

that she may make her dwelling in the sanctuary.

Joachim and Anna rejoice with her in spirit,

and choirs of virgins sing to the Lord,

chanting psalms and honouring His Mother.

Some years back, when I was a couple months

from becoming at catachumen

I was at my Oma's for Christmas;

I think she turned 95 that year.

And late that night I remember thinking

very strongly of my Oma as a Mother

and the Mother of God.

Now I realize how much the Mother of God was present

in my life and especially during that time;

my Oma bore and raised 8 children;

Somehow I know that my Oma is close to

the Mother of God...

Anna, the all-blessed cried out rejoicing:

'O Zacharias, take her whom the prophets of God

proclaimed in the Spirit, and

lead her into the holy temple,

there to be brought up in reverence,

that she may become the divine Throne of the

Master of all,

His Palace, His resting place,

and His dwelling filled with light.
*

My Oma died on this feast and

was buried on the feast's leave-taking.

May the Mother of God always protect my

Oma Grace...

(all quotes in italics are from

The Festal Menaion for this feast)

Noah - Prayers Needed

2011-12-22T16:15:00.003-05:00

From Noah's Mom via FB:

Good and bad news- this is just a worsening of Noah's constant GI bleeding and is not fixable. Really bad news- Noah is also oozing blood around his broviac and supra pubic cath, and when I adjusted his shirt to show the doctor his tummy, I realized his arms were covered with petechiae. They are on his torso and face too and starting on his legs. Called Dr B and we are doing labs as soon as we get home. This could be a sign of some very bad things. It's not an emergency right now, but could become one. Please pray & I'll update later.

Beauty in the Christmas Season

2011-12-21T10:53:00.002-05:00

Nativity in Glass from Romania

from Rebecca and Mark.

Small cloth under made by my Oma.

Mirror and kleenex holder were my Oma's.

I was given the Pascha egg

this past Pascha

by one of my favourite older women parishioner's sister...

Christmas and Pascha are deeply linked.

*

The small icon in the background is

St. Stylianos of Paphlagonia

which is there for Noah,

who is quite ill.

Many are holding their own small

vigils in prayer

for Noah

as they go about the days before Christmas...

It is hard for us all to focus

on the coming of Christ.

So many things are thrown at us during fasts;

Christmas lent/Nativity Fast means

distractions on the party & presents level

and often more painful things,

illness, loss, grief.

But Christ came and was born on this earth

so that He could defeat death.

Christ is with us in the

times of joy and the times of great grief.

My Christmas Icons.

Nativity of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ,

Christ our Saviour with Angels,

St. Nicholas to provide and protect

St. Spyridon to help us

the Mother of God to console us.

May God give us strength for this day

and hearts that are open to thanksgiving

and worship of God

amidst all things.

Prayer Request - My Other Grandma

2011-12-20T18:08:00.003-05:00

Just got this from one of my Aunts:

In case any of you haven't heard ... Grandma fell last night and broke her pubic bone. She went to the hospital this morning and had lots of X-rays and they determined that was the cause of much pain in her leg.

They can't do anything surgically - she just needs to stay off it as much as possible. She will be staying with me until she is better. She is very comfortable while sitting or lying down but not while on her feet.

*
Please pray for her.

Of course I find this upsetting.

But am also glad that it was not a worse accident.

My Grandma's name is Ruth.

St. Nicholas Day

2011-12-19T21:05:00.003-05:00

Liturgy was a joy.

And added to that joy was that my

close friend and her son

my godbaby

were able to join us.

I got to hold my godson for most of the liturgy

and bring him to communion.

It was so special.

I have my house almost clean again.

A friend from library school

is visiting me overnight tomorrow

and that will be really nice.

I have not seen her in some years now.

I love St. Nicholas Day.

He is such a special Saint...

Pre-St. Nicholas Day Celebrations

2011-12-18T18:23:00.003-05:00

Last night I baked my

St. Nicholas Cake

a vegan chocolate cake

for St. Nicholas Day

while Cleo supervised.

After liturgy we had our St. Nicholas fish

dinner and concert;

it was also a parishioner's birthday so we sang

happy birthday

and many more years.

"St. Nicholas" came and all the kids got presents...

Tomorrow is St. Nicholas Day

and I will be God willing

at liturgy for this day.

I love St. Nicholas...

Noah

2011-12-17T15:18:00.002-05:00

Noah's Mom Kate

recently put on FB

that Noah has been throwing up for over an hour.

Please pray for Noah and his family.

Reflections and Rememberance

2011-12-15T23:26:00.005-05:00

Reflections about my Oma

Part I

It's funny how you can know that

you are hearing the end of one's story.

My Oma surprised everyone

earlier this year

by going with at least 4 or 5 of her 8 children to Perry Sound;

I knew somehow she was her last acts of love

for her children.

She never stopped knitting.

She finished those 7 scarves and

gave them to my Mom to give to us.

After we said goodnight she told my Aunt

that she was going to finish up the slippers

she was knitting before going to bed.

Within an hour of finishing those

last slippers

a shade of purple with a lot of red in it,

yellow knit on top of them,

she fell.

While they were waiting for the ambulance and she was

in bed, one of my Aunts called from the room

by my Oma's bed,

to my other Aunt (the oldest who is in her late 70's)

in Michigan to tell her

that Mom fell and would you like to talk to her

and so they did and my Oma told her oldest

daughter not to worry about her

that she would be fine

and that she should go to bed.

Mother to the end to her grown children,

that is my Oma.

The last conversation my MI Aunt, the oldest daughter,

ever had with her Mother.

My Mom would often go once a year to Brampton

when I was young and would eagerly wait

my Mom's return

to see what my Oma gave her for us.

Knitted slippers, socks, mittens, hats;

small blankets,

doilies, little booties for babies, tea cozies...

At home I still have a lovely edition of the book

beauty and the beast

that my Oma gave me and she used to send all of us

cards for our birthdays.

With 8 children,

at least 25 grandchildren and well-over 10 great grandchildren

not to mention some

great-great grandchildren

this is a lot of people.

My Oma stopped some years back but when I was a child

I always got a card from her.

I have one from just a few years back

when my family went to Brampton for Christmas.

*
I have a lot more to write about my Oma

who grew up in Holland on a farm

and was faithful to her Lord,

our Saviour Jesus Christ.

She would ask me from time to time

to make sure I was still trusting in God for everything,

praying and reading my Bible.

*

I really appreciate each of you;

your words, love, encouragement and prayers

for my Oma, my family and myself

are a real blessing.

*

I seek to remain thankful,

for our God,

for each of you,

for my family and

for my Oma.

Family, Grief and prayer requests

2011-12-14T18:20:00.003-05:00

This was our family Christmas tree this year;

we did not have time or the energy to put up

our tall tree this year;

we did the presents for Christmas and our Christmas dinner

early since my sister and bro-in-law

are leaving tomorrow...

we had our early Christmas dinner Sunday night.

It was a fish day for me so we all had

really nice salmon for dinner.

My sister and bro-in-law leave tomorrow

for Romania.

I will miss them...

Today was a bit of a 'recovery' day for me as last week

was so intense with grief, traveling, family gatherings

and a 10 hour work day on Friday

to submit the proposal...

and we had not gotten home until 1 AM Friday morning

from Brampton so it really was a very

great effort the next day.

My family helped or I would of not even made it...

I had a hard day today;

getting back to things and not having a lot of energy.

I hope tomorrow is better and am taking things

one moment at a time.

Asking your prayers for Noah as he had to have a

painful procedure done today

and also for Jan, the Mother-in-law of Katherine who

many of us in the blog world have known

and loved for years;

my heart was heavy to read that Jan had fallen

broken her hip and was struggling,

esp. as this is what happened to my Oma just

days ago...

I am thinking that I need to read some things on grief;

in our fallen world all die;

my Oma was 20 days from being 103 years old;

but as my spiritual father has said many times,

no matter how old the loved one is when

they die, they still die too young.

I wear the scarf my Oma had just knitted and mittens

that she knitted a year or so ago.

At some point I will do a service for her at my church;

I have prayed the Akathist to the Lord for the departed;

but I still feel like there should be something

more I can do, somehow...

I hope in time to be able to do so.

For now all I can say is that

I still miss my Oma...

Home

2011-12-12T12:52:00.004-05:00

I am home

back from Michigan

from my Oma.

Read this post -

and saw this youtube video - Advent Conspiracy

and I think of all those who do not have

what I have.

A warm place to live;

excess food;

a loving family

even the gift of seeing my Oma one last time

and being able to go to her funeral and

see my family

lots of family

since my Mom is the youngest of 8 children

and then we did a small Christmas exchange;

small as we don't spend big money at Christmas;

we re-gift, get things a thrift stores and

give small gifts like a box or two of tea

but still.

When I think of those for often

sad inexplicable horrible

reasons

are without family

without warmth

without Omas to knit a last scarf

without homes

and I wonder so many things;

how to prioritize my life

how I can job search

and all the rest but still

remember what the main things are:

The Holy Trinity

Worship

Repentance

Mercy

those who are in need...

It's not simple

but yet it is simple;

to learn to not be self-absorbed;

to repent

to learn to love

to look to Christ.

Lord help us.

Friday in Michigan

2011-12-09T22:43:00.004-05:00

Today I worked for over ten hours

to finish up the proposal

for the contract

that I found out about two weeks ago.

It was due today and

given the week I had

today was a bit of a scramble to get it done.

Thankfully I had help

and it is now submitted.

My family all made it home safely.

Tomorrow I have a ride to vespers and the next day

to Sunday liturgy.

Sunday night my family will do a quiet

Christmas time

and I fly out early Monday morning.

I have a lot more to process but

will have to do that when I return to Ottawa,

God willing,

on Monday.

Your love and support over this time has

been a great source of solace.

Thank you.

God is with us.

Back from Brampton

2011-12-09T01:23:00.003-05:00

Flowers for the family for sympathy.

We were given flowers to put on the casket.

This was mine until one of my cousin's

little girls asked if she could trade with

me and so I did

and had a red tulip instead.

Very Dutch, tulips.

It will take a while for all this to sink in.

That I said goodbye to my Oma.

That my life will never be the same.

That I have gone from having my Oma

for almost 35 years

of my life

to the rest of my years on earth without her.

I am so glad I am Orthodox and know that

even now spiritually I am not disconnected from her

and that in Christ I am with her

and in church I will be as near to her and to heaven

as I can be.

I can't wait to have a panakhyda for her at my church

back in Ottawa.

I have prayed Akathists for her

and this has been very consoling.

Without this I don't know how one could really

have the comfort one needs in this time.

I miss my Oma.

Onward but never alone

2011-12-07T06:14:00.002-05:00

I was at liturgy at the monastery for

St. Nicholas Day.

This was a blessing.

I was aware of feeling really sad as my

Oma has died,

passed on from life to life...

I go with family to Brampton today

visitation tonight

and funeral tomorrow afternoon

and then a long drive back.

Thank you all for your prayers

and love and encouragement

in this.

Grief is always sudden, unexpected

and a hard road to navigate.

Thank God that we do not go the road alone.

Loss in the beginning of the Holidays

2011-12-05T23:01:00.003-05:00

My Oma just in the days before she fell

finished 7 scarves;

one for my Mom, one for my Aunt,

one each for two of my cousins

and one for me and one for my sister.

My Mom gave me my scarf from Oma

yesterday; one last gift.

It's hard to imagine that she is really gone.

She was such a strong woman.

And a woman who loved God and her family.

Found out tonight that

one of my sister's friends

her age,

just died of cancer.

So much loss and so quickly.

My parents and others go tomorrow to Brampton.

Others of us,

including myself,

go Wednesday.

Visitation Wednesday night.

Funeral service and burial Thursday.

Will return late Thursday night.

My proposal for the 3 month contract is due Friday.

For new calendar

St. Nicholas Day

I have a ride to the monastery and

need to go there more than ever.

I can't tell you how amazed my family is by

the timing of everything with my Oma's death.

How even the days my sister and brother-in-law

have for family are the ones

that are when we will be going to Brampton.

God's mercy is very abundant in the midst of all this.

Please pray for us and also my sister Rebecca

as to lose a friend who is still young

and one's Oma in the same

week

is very hard.

Yet God is with us all

and promises to never leave or abandon us.

My Beloved Oma: Memory Eternal!

2011-12-04T07:31:00.001-05:00

(above pictures from the Holland Christian Home

where my Oma lived).

From an email I just wrote:

My Oma survived surgery and

then last night at 2 AM she was checked by the nurse and was fine.

When my Oma was checked at 4 AM,

she was found passed away to life eternal.

I write with tears but with trust in

God's mercy for my Oma and

that my Oma is no longer suffering.
I am home (as already planned by God's mercy)

with my family in Michigan.

We got the phone call at 7 AM this morning.

Please keep us in your prayers -

My Oma was 102 years old, to be 103 December 24th.

We praise God that we all got to see her before this happened.

It was such a nice time.

We are really going to miss my Oma;

she was so strong and always there loving her family,

knitting and cooking for us.

For my dear Orthodox friends,

please also remember my Oma Grace as newly departed.

May God remember my Oma in His Kingdom

and have mercy on us all!

Memory Eternal, Memory Eternal, Memory Eternal!

Early Sunday Morning

2011-12-04T04:53:00.003-05:00

No news on my Oma yet.

I got more explanation today though;

now what I understand is that

yesterday they were seeking to get her up

and standing;

I think the FB cousin updates were

a bit misleading;

anyway.

She is still in the hospital and the things they are

watching for right now are

blood clots and/or pneumonia as both

are real dangers for the elderly

who have had this surgery.

Please keep my Oma in your prayers

if and as you can;

it will be a long road to recovery

if that is what the Lord wills.

It is good to be home.

Oma is okay!

2011-12-02T22:20:00.002-05:00

Cousin let me know via FB

that my Oma

made it through surgery

and they even said she could walk tomorrow.

Wow!

Thanking God and praying that this will be so...

Oma in surgery now

2011-12-02T19:52:00.001-05:00

My Oma is having surgery now

Friday evening.

Asking your prayers.

Nativity Fast Day 5

2011-12-02T19:21:00.002-05:00

Keeping up with numbers of the Nativity Fast

is proving hard;

so much going on right now.

No news on my Oma yet ...

don't know if she had surgery today;

with how health care in Ontario goes I am guessing

that if the surgery was not today

it may not be till Monday.

We are all inwardly standing still

waiting to see what will happen.

The two book in the picture above are

my Nativity reading for this year's

Nativity Fast/Lent.

I am almost totally packed for Michigan.

A friend from church is bringing me to the airport.

My Mom already had my future DV birthday presents

(I turn 35 DV Dec 29) and had wrapped them

so she brought them to Brampton so

that there will not be problems flying home

back to Ottawa

with them,

since now airports have the 'right' to unwrap gifts.

I am very blessed with all the love and support

from everyone.

Thank you.

Let's keep Noah and Mat. Anna in our prayers.

Lord help and comfort us all.

Update on my Beloved Oma

2011-12-02T14:43:00.002-05:00

My Oma is going to have surgery

pins and a plate put in

to make her fractured hip better.

The surgery may be today.

It is still uncertain as to which day

the surgery will be.

Asking your prayers,

as a surgery when one is 102 years old

is quite an ordeal;

My Mom said there is also the danger of blood clots.

Thank you for your prayers.

Nativity Fast Day 4 and 5

2011-12-01T19:24:00.002-05:00

Tree in my Oma's Complex.

Today my dear friend whose

young infant I am godmother to

and I and godbaby are going to have an early lunch.

I am going to pack for home

as I fly out tomorrow around noon,

God willing.

I am also going to try to work on my proposal.

I am very tired

but am trying to put one foot in front of the other

and trust God with everything.

Of course my Oma who is still in

hospital,

waiting further medical assessment

and on morphine

is on my mind.

Also Noah who continues to struggle

and our dear friend Mat. Anna

who lost her second baby to miscarriage this week.

May God be our ever refuge, shelter and

support.

Painful End to a Happy Journey

2011-12-01T14:39:00.003-05:00

I had a great train ride out.

It was so wonderful to see my family;

it felt so normal;

it was hard to believe it had been a year

and three years since we all saw my Oma last time

(I have seen her since but not with my whole family).

I journaled in the Toronto Royal Bank Plaza

where I had a long lay over before taking a GO Train to Brampton.

I felt that I was on the cusp of a lot of newness in my life.

I felt that the familiar feeling and memories of going home

for Christmas,

and the fun times I had at home when I was on holiday from

my studies in my Undergraduate years,

which are now 8 years past,

were really gone but yet I could remember them like they

were yesterday.

It was like I was realizing in a new way

that I really was where I am now:

nearing 35 years old

parents nearing or over 60 years old

and about to see my Oma

who was getting more out of breath

at 102 years old.

*

It was so good to be back;

I thought I heard my Aunt's voice the minute I entered the 4 tall towered

apartment complex of Holland Christian Home

but no, it was just that I was hearing voices of

other older Dutch Canadians

and it sounded like home.

I love Ontario and the Dutch communities and pockets of

now older immigrants from Holland

many of who came after World War II,

like my Mother's family.

We visited with my Oma

and as my cousin and I were walking to her room,

we had such a nice talk and I felt so

very happy.

I showed my Oma lots of pictures on my computer

including pictures of me and my

new godson.

My other siblings showed her pictures as well

and I took pictures of them

showing the pictures.

My Oma did not want us to leave

but it was time for the nurses to get her ready for bed.

Earlier that day Oma had a really bad spell

where she was pale and really short of breath.

So we all said goodnight,

in Dutch, English and Romanian and kissed her goodnight.

We went back to my Aunt's apartment in the same

complex, a tower or two over

and my cousin's boy and she played songs for us

on the piano and guitar.

We talked and enjoyed being together,

remembering the past, talking about Oma,

eating a Dutch dessert and some Koek,

which is a Dutch spice bread.

Before we knew it 10 pm had come and I and others

went to bed,

my cousin and her boy had already left for home

an hour drive away

and I did my prayers and prepared for bed.

Then suddenly everything changed.

My Mom and her sister closest to her in age

(my Mom is the youngest of 8 children,

all living)

came into our room unexpectedly and

said that Oma had fallen,

she had gotten up out of bed after the nurses put her

in and she was on the ground for a little while before she was

found there, arms bleeding and

with what they thought was a broken hip.

I was in shock,

texted a friend, called another friend

and then did prayers, crying many tears as I know

that often when the elderly fall and break a hip

that they die soon after and

are usually never the same.

My Oma was already showing signs of really slowing down;

earlier that evening my Mom and others were talking

about when our Opa died and one of my Uncles

that my Oma was showing signs like

they were

in the sense of signs particular to her that were

not her usual self.

My family insisted that I not go to the hospital with my Oma

and that I should stay back and pray.

So I did, with tears.

They did not get back to the apartment until 4:30 AM

and Oma had 4 shots of morphine by that time

and was finally not in as much pain.

My Oma is of solid Dutch stock and very stoic.

Seeing her being wheeled out to the ambulance in

a state of deep physical pain

was very difficult.

My Dad took me to the train station today.

I was so brokenhearted to leave my Oma

and family.

But my Dad and others have to come home today

due to work obligations.

And I fly home on Saturday around noon DV

and have to come back.

Please pray for us

and for my Oma -

her name in English is Grace.

Continuing prayers needed

2011-11-30T12:57:00.002-05:00

Am on a train to Brampton.

Saw on FB that Noah's line is exposed

and he may have to go out of town to a hospital.

Given his situation, this could be very serious.

Asking your prayers.

Nativity Fast Day 3

2011-11-30T06:34:00.002-05:00

Akathist to the Protection of the Theotokos

O Chosen by the pre-eternal God,

Queen of heaven and earth higher than all creation,

who hast in days past entered praying

into the Church of the Blachernae we,

offering Thee with thanksgiving due veneration,

flee with faith and compunction under

Thy shining vestment for we lie in darkness.

And Thou who hast invincible power dost set us free

from every affliction that we may cry to Thee:

Rejoice, our Joy, protect us from every ill by Thy precious Veil.

Almost, Almost

2011-11-29T18:58:00.003-05:00

Grey wet rainy day.

Almost going to Brampton, Almost going home to

Michigan.

Almost...

Writing rough draft of my proposal.

Feel like the steam has been exhausted out of me.

Lord help us all!

Have had all my candles lit all day.

Felt the day needed it.

Dreamt last night that a parishoner

whose 5 year anniversary of her repose

is tomorrow

came back to life

we were all in a big house

and there she was,

peaceful, talking to everyone

in turn...

We never do get over missing people.

I am just glad in this case that she died

a Christian and when we had her 5 year panakhyda

this past Sunday

and the memorial meal afterwards

it felt so much like no time had passed at all;

like I was back at the first meal for her;

even I dare say like somehow she was really present with us;

I was not the only one that felt this.

May God remember her in His Kingdom

and may we have the mercy to join her one day.

Continuing to pray for Noah.

Asking the Mother of God's help,

her intercessions,

her comfort.

Day 2 of the Nativity Fast

2011-11-29T13:51:00.002-05:00

Soon early in the fast

I will be home.

I am really tired.

Cleaned this morning so that my house

will be clean when I return.

Soon home

with my family

beautiful dishes from three generations

some rest

but also more work

as the proposal I am working on is due

next week Friday

and I have miles and miles and miles

to go before I sleep...

Day 1 Nativity Fast 2011-2012

2011-11-28T19:59:00.005-05:00

And so it begins;

the count down to Christmas

13 days ago or today

(Dec25/Jan 7).

I began reading Fr. Thomas Hopko's

Winter Pascha

see here for excerpts

and today was busy

researching for my proposal,

meeting my great job coach about it

and then coming home

calling my Mom

and finding out that somehow I or we or someone

had gotten their wires crossed as it were

and here I thought I was to go to Brampton to see my Oma

tomorrow and had my train ticket booked

accordingly

and was aghast to find out that my family was coming the day after

and only for one night and then

suddenly

I did not know if I was going to see my Oma with my family

but Via Rail

very kindly

changed my ticket to the next day.

WHEW.

Thank you God!

Thank you Via Rail for treating me like a human being

stuck in a jam with the wrong day booked for

the ticket!

So.

I go Wednesday

come back Thursday

work on my proposal on the train both ways

and on Friday

and I fly Saturday afternoon to Michigan.

(Expeida was not so kind and would not change my ticket

to accommodate the new situation I was in

but that too I trust is from God and is for a reason).

I talked with a friend on the phone tonight

about wanting to do the Holy Supper

Christmas Eve

again this year.

I love how Fr. Thomas Hopko explains

that Christmas is

considered a three-day Pascha;

I am looking forward to entering Church

God willing

Christmas Eve

wearing red and anticipating the coming of our Lord

born in Bethlehem.

O Christ,

Light of the World,

Come Quickly

We need You and Your Saving Hand;

Lord, Come and make haste to save us!

Nativity Fast

2011-11-27T21:55:00.003-05:00

And so it is time to prepare our selves

open our hearts

to let Christ come in.

In the middle of rejoicing,

there is still often pain

in this life.

Kate and Jeff,

Noah's parents,

are with the medical team seeing that

Noah is in the last stages and they are

making funeral plans.

Please pray for Noah and his parents and siblings.

I was especially touched by Noah's parent's wish

for a good and beautiful cemetery to have Noah's

body laid to rest in.

Please pray that all this can be provided.

I am sure I am not the only one who

has been praying for Noah who has shed tears

about his pain and sudden rapid decline.

In the end as we turn our minds, eyes and hearts

toward Christ's birth,

we have to trust that Christ who was born to die for us

is involved today in our lives and that His love for us

and for children such as Noah

is very, very real.

Almost Sunday

2011-11-26T22:00:00.003-05:00

The snow is pretty much gone now.

I hope it will come again soon! :)

I worked hard on an email to inquire about the

proposal I will be writing in hopes

of being chosen for the contract.

I am going to work really hard on this!

Of course with your prayers...

The Nativity Fast begins for us tomorrow

Old Calendar.

I am happy about this.

Actually I am looking forward to Lent already.

To standing again DV

with my spiritual father and many from my church

for the Canon of St. Andrew...

Meanwhile,

I must prepare myself for Nativity

and ask that I be made ready

for the coming of our Loving Lord and Saviour...

Beautiful Evening

2011-11-25T21:40:00.003-05:00

A dear friend came for dinner and

we got Greek takeout and dined in.

I was really blessed by the company and conversation.

Of course Cleo was up to no good

and wanted my food.

Notice the pink IKEA plastic spray bottle in the first picture?

It tells Cleo 'no' better than me

telling her :)

Cleo likes to be near by

esp. when she feels comfortable with my friends.

Which thankfully is usually the case.

I do like my little Cleo Cat.

Hope on a Grey - Sunset Is So Early - Friday

2011-11-25T16:35:00.004-05:00

Really appreciated this post by Deb

and the news it brings...

truly an incredible event in Moscow

I...we... must remember that the main thing we are called to do

is to prayer.

To returning to Christ.

To repentance and asking God for the

grace of repentance.

Asking the Mother of God's intercessions

to her Son

our Lord Jesus Christ

when we struggle or feel afraid.

And to know that we are not alone

no matter how we may feel.

And that when we fail, fall into worry, doubt or

other thoughts that trip us up

and weigh us down,

that God is here waiting

and with God we can get up again,

no matter how many times it takes,

we can get up and be with Christ again.

Thursday in Canada - Thanksgiving in the States

2011-11-24T17:55:00.004-05:00

Picture from yesterday's snow.

It is melting already.

Today in the States is Thanksgiving.

It is also St. Menas' Day.

And a year ago

November

I was hit with lots of things at once;

the first of 3 or 4 times I got the bad face rash;

the first time was the worst.

I got the unexpected tax bill.

I almost had to go to ER for the rash.

I did not know if I had enough money

outside of my small from a few years back

pension that is still

a year later

is in the bank.

It's not enough really to do much in old age other than

provide for my funeral and burial

but at least it is still in tact.

I have

(and still continue),

like so many,

gone a year now

without knowing if I would have enough for rent

1 to 3 months down the road.

I have had moments where I rested in God and in His provision

and many where I fell and freaked out,

to put it in the vernacular :)

I have seen God and the Saints rescue me time and time again.

Like when my apartment plans fell through

2 weeks before I had to move

and then suddenly I got the apartment I wanted

in the first place,

that I am still in now.

I did not know how much God was rescuing me until

I found out in late Winter that the apartment

I almost moved into

burnt down and the fire started in what would of been

my apartment with Cleo.

I've had God provide for me through unexpected ways

and suddenly giving me the job that I have worked on contract

in early Spring and in later Summer.

Through ways I could not foresee, control or predict,

God has provided for me,

food, shelter, friends and especially church family.

And I have been SO BLESSED throughout the years

with each of you.

You have encouraged me, prayed for me and loved me.

I have been showered with many blessings because

of your prayers and presence in my life.

A dear friend of mine told me about two months ago

that we go through many struggles in life

but our Christian friends help us through.

I really see this.

And I have seen how we have prayed for others as well.

Two years ago we prayed the Psalter for

Resa

who left us for heaven.

A year ago we prayed for Lucia

who the Lord took to Himself,

beautiful baby girl.

And this year we are praying for Noah

whose health continues to decline.

Noah is with his family this

Thanksgiving Day.

So in the end all this makes me think of

Fr. Stephen Freeman

who taught me through his blog

that God is good

no matter what tragedies, heartache, and struggles we go through.

God is good.

He loves us. He does not abandon or forsake us

no matter how alone we may feel.

It is thanksgiving

and on this day I again seek also to say

Thank You.

This Just In...

2011-11-23T13:20:00.001-05:00

Doing my research and found a

contract that is open for applicants

and it is work I have done before as a

Librarian and researcher!

I have to submit my application by early December.

Asking your prayers -

if I could get this contract it would be

not only more earnings for me

but would begin to really establish my work

as a researcher and I would be doing

what I love most -

researching, finding hard to find information

and writing about the findings.

First Snow Fall

2011-11-23T10:40:00.003-05:00

5 AM this morning I woke up

and this is what I saw.

I love Ottawa in the winter!

And first snow falls are always so peaceful,

waking up and seeing everything covered

in a clean blanket of white snow.

I am researching places for networking

purposes.

Praying to God for wisdom and courage.

St. Nectarios

2011-11-22T20:26:00.004-05:00

We had a moleben service to

St. Nectarios tonight.

My list of names included Noah;

Noah is declining rapidly and they have

chosen to take him home

and seek to only control the pain.

Please keep praying for him.

May the Lord have mercy.

New Week ... Monday is almost over already

2011-11-21T16:23:00.005-05:00

Recovering from the wonderful weekend.

Thinking of my godchild a lot.

Realized I should clarify one point -

and this may explain why the first communion was

so special for me.

There are lots of Orthodox churches in Ottawa

and my dear friends,

the parents of my godson,

who I have known for many many years,

go to another Orthodox church,

so that was the only Sunday liturgy that I will be taking

my godson too.

I am so grateful for the honour of taking him to his

first communion.

I was gone a lot of the weekend for the baptism

and had an appointment this morning;

this afternoon has been lots of catch up and clean up.

Today is the feast of Archangel Micheal and Gabriel and

this is a great comfort for me.

I am going to two good friend's house tonight

and am making apple crisp to bake

while we eat dinner

for dessert.

I found out today that I will not be eligible

for employment insurance

because I was unemployed and then viewed as

self-employed over the past two years.

While I have enough for now and the next few months,

this was still really disappointing to learn.

It feels a little scary

and quite unfair... but... I must remember to be

thankful.

All things

require a lot of trust in God as

December I am going home to see my sister

(cost too much to change the plane ticket and she is not there for

Christmas)

from Dec 3-12 and then soon after that is

new calendar Christmas and really

not many people in Ottawa will be hiring then.

I don't think my job search will really take off until January,

though I am going to do a lot of work for the rest of this week

and also in December before the holidays.

Next week Tuesday-Wednesday I already am going to Brampton

to see my family and Oma

and Saturday I fly home.

Other life things that I can't blog about

are taking a lot of energy at present

so lots of apathia and trust in God

are needed.

Lots of learning to live in the present and trust

that God knows everything and is orchestrating

all events for my salvation,

and is taking good care of me.

Truly,

our Lord is good to us.

Godbaby's First Communion

2011-11-20T21:16:00.006-05:00

Today I took my godson to his first communion.

I got to hold him for almost all of the service

after the sermon.

He was in his white outfit I got him

(will try to take a picture of it later;

sorry I don't do pictures of people on my blog)

and I held him close to me,

gave him to the Mother of God to protect, care and raise him

and gave him his first theology lesson,

showing him the icons of the Theotokos and of Christ.

Can't start too early you know.

And I gave him lots and lots of kisses, cuddles and love.

Everyone admired him as I walked around church with

him and I was beaming the whole time.

*
Communion was very special

two deacons on either side holding the red cloth;

the one deacon is his godfather

and our little godbaby was draped with the red cloth,

given the Blood of Christ,

the very life of Christ

as his godfather said

godbaby

many times and it was so beautiful

holy

all surrounding with love...

It was such a deep and beautiful time.

*

It is a great honour and privilege to have this godson

and to be able to pray for him.

I know I am responsible for helping him grow and

giving him spiritual instruction.

I know that as long as I remember that I am not worthy

then there is hope of myself getting out of the way

for God to work.

To say I am thrilled I think would merely be an understatement.

Today My Godson Was Baptised

2011-11-19T21:28:00.001-05:00

My Godson was baptised today.

I felt so very happy.

I am so proud of him too!

He only fussed a little but but never cried,

the whole service!

Many years to my little godbaby!!

And to the weekend!

2011-11-18T22:22:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow I need to make another cake.

Lemon this time.

And what is the cake for?

The reception for my godbaby's baptism!

It's tomorrow and then I will be

officially his godmother!

I got to hold him tonight and

he fell asleep while I was rocking him.

It was very precious.

And I got a really cute baptismal outfit for him.

Am very excited!

Already towards the weekend

2011-11-17T22:22:00.002-05:00

I've had an eventual week,

but not a lot of job search opportunities.

I see my job coach again next week

and am starting to do some research for

to look into networking opportunities.

Noah continues to struggle greatly.

I am going to see my Oma end of this month

as she is 102 soon 103 and

it may be the last time I see her.

As far as I know I will be in Ottawa for Christmas,

but at least I will be in Michigan with family beforehand.

(it is not my sister and brother-in-laws year to be

home for Christmas so I go in the first part of

December to Michigan).

I need to get my godson's baptismal outfit tomorrow,

the baptism is Saturday!

God is with us and will not abandon us.

Prayer

2011-11-13T22:32:00.002-05:00

Please pray for Noah,

he is struggling greatly.

Unexpected

2011-11-11T18:12:00.003-05:00

I got to hold my godbaby today;

he is

1 month and 1 day old.

Hope

2011-11-11T07:41:00.004-05:00

But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.
Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”

Isaiah 43: 1-7

Another Day

2011-11-10T19:59:00.001-05:00

Pictures of my favourite tree.

Today is a day that I had to slog to get through.

But the point is that I am getting through.

Learned tonight of a dear friend's father being sick.

Cancer - we knew about it - but he is

more ill from it again.

Learned horrible news of a very old Orthodox church

being turned into a Mosque

(h/t).

We must take courage

and put our trust in Christ...

Lord help us!

Edging towards the week's end

2011-11-09T18:12:00.003-05:00

Update on Noah -

he is still in the hospital and he and his mother are

far from home, please keep praying for them.

I am in grief about a friend's struggles.

I saw my job coach today.

It was good.

But I can see that this may take a long time.

And I will be gone for the first half of December and then the second half is

n.c. Christmas etc so really

it is very possible that it will be in January before something job-wise lines up.

Of course we never know.

I am okay for money for now.

Lots of continued lessons in trusting God.

For the first time I am listening to the music that

I listened to a lot when I was working in my

last job.

I am grateful to God for His salvation and

for prayer.

Without our Heavenly Father,

the Saints and our church families,

I can't imagine

making it through.

Prayers

2011-11-08T17:08:00.002-05:00

One of my dear friends who I have asked

prayers for is continuing to struggle

in a very grave situation.

Another friend and I are going to pray tonight

for many,

including Noah and my friend and others.

Lord have mercy and save us!

Please Pray for Noah

2011-11-08T06:08:00.001-05:00

Noah is quite sick

and in an unfamilar hospital.

His Mother Kate is with him;

Noah has been ill for so long.

Lord have mercy.

Night Comes So Quickly

2011-11-07T20:38:00.003-05:00

5 pm and the sun was already setting.

It was surprisingly warm out.

I took a short walk

and sat on a bench a while...

Recovering from exhaustion sure can take time.

Restoration: home, quiet and Cleo

2011-11-07T15:31:00.004-05:00

Resting up today.

I know the rules by now; when you are able

and are exhausted,

rest.

Rest to be restored

to face the battles again.

Rest for me for this day

included resting in the morning.

Laundry and dishes now in the afternoon.

Eatting meatloaf and roasted vegetables.

Being very quiet.

Drinking tea.

Lighting candles, prayers, looking at my icons.

Asking for the Saint's help.

Seeking to remember God;

rememering God's mercy and the many

stories of His miracles in the lives

of my friends and family.

Having this Akathist to listen to again.

Reading a great post on

living life on the truest level.

It is sunny, quiet and Cleo is happy to have me home.

Sunday, the day of starting anew

2011-11-06T20:05:00.002-05:00

This photo cracks me up.

Cleo was a bit out of sorts :)

She's doing fine now.

Do you see the Canadian Flag? :)

This is my walk on my way to the library...

Liturgy was good as always.

I am very blessed.

Later today a friend gave me these

tealight candles from IKEA.

Such a thoughtful and practical gift.

I am doing all I can to recover from the exhaustion

of this past week.

I found a job add to apply for.

One step at a time...

The Lord is with us.

Going towards Sunday

2011-11-05T19:17:00.002-04:00

Panakhyda this morning at church.

I love these.

Vesper tonight...so good.

I am so grateful for church.

For the sacrament of confession,

for communion.

For the prayers of the church.

For the beauty of it.

Thank you for the kind comments.

I am still doing on going stress-management;

I know the signs of stress and the exhaustion it brings.

I hope for a good rest tonight.

I was telling a friend how thankful I am for

liturgy and communion.

These are what restore me.

Friday Sun and Cold

2011-11-04T17:01:00.003-04:00

I have been sleeping very poorly.

I can tell I am stressed.

Seeking to make a better routine for myself

and to get to bed earlier.

Insomnia has been getting in the way of this.

Slowly setting up all my job alerts again.

I got a call from taxes today about the tax bill

I am still slowly paying off;

the person tried to make it sound like I was

somehow in the wrong for paying it slowly,

even though I had been assured that I was not doing wrong.

Thankfully I was assertive and the person

admitted that what I am doing is perfectly acceptable.

Whew.

As if I needed more to deal with!

Meanwhile...

Any stress-level management suggestions are welcomed.

I thank God for His mercy.

Thursday ... Grey Early November Day

2011-11-03T18:32:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was sunny.

Today not so much.

Love this tree and house.

Today I ended up not doing so much on the job front.

I found that I was a bit exhausted to say the least

and am resting to be strong again tomorrow.

Luckily, I was able to talk to my

Sister and Brother(in-law) in Romania

for the first time in 2 plus months

so that made today a great day.

Mid-Week Already

2011-11-02T11:49:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was St. John of Rila

and St. John of Kronstadt's days.

Liturgy was beautiful.

I hope to continue to get to know each of these

Saints better;

thankfully I have paper versions of Akathists to both of them...

We celebrated another birthday at church.

I made the cake :)

Lemon with lemon glaze.

I am clearing the decks for

my new job search.

How much I wish I did not have to look for work again.

But, as a close friend reminded me,

God will not abandon me in this search.

Monday at October's End

2011-10-31T19:45:00.004-04:00

I am glad to be staying in while

others are dressed in costumes.

Say no more!

I have begun job searching.

It is a slow process.

I had a good day though.

Roasted root vegetables like

I did last year...

meatloaf in the toaster oven :)

and a cake yet to be baked tonight.

Tomorrow is St. John of Krondstat

and St. John of Rila's Day.

I will be at liturgy in the morning

and seeing my godbaby in

the evening.

Am thankful to God.

Sunday

2011-10-30T22:56:00.002-04:00

Beautiful.

Sermon about God's love and that

Christ cares for us each personally.

My 6 dozen chocolate chip cookies were a hit

and none were left...

(I confess to eating at least 5 myself...!)

I prepared

sweet potatoes

beets

carrots

for roasting tomorrow.

Also am going to make a meatloaf.

Tuesday is St. John of Kronstadt day.

and I will see my Godson that day,

God willing.

Tomorrow I begin my job search.

Thankfully with a lighter heart;

liturgy was very helpful to me today

and I thank God for His mercy to me.

Got out the book

path to sanity

and need to start reading.

Nativity Lent starts soon.

I have to decide if I am going to do the New

or the Old Calendar fast...

still figuring out where I need to be for Christmas...

May the Lord show the way.

Ottawa in Autumn

2011-10-29T21:27:00.003-04:00

Pumpkins and apples

overflowing at my grocery store.

The light is fading quickly these nights.

I love how this tree's

branches twist and turn upwards....

I am in the middle of unexpected

transition again

and must look to the Creator of Trees...

God is our hope, our light, our strength...

He will not abandon or chastise forever...

Quiet and Lovely Saturday

2011-10-29T14:42:00.004-04:00

Cleo's been hanging out while I baked cookies today.

6 dozen baked and cooling.

Listened to this Akathist while baking

to try to focus on what is important -

raising our children and godchildren

through the prayers of the Theotokos.

Then I listened to Fr. Thomas Hopko

on the book

Path to Sanity

by Dee M. Pennock

I have been thinking on what I wrote yesterday

and how hard it is to be willing to suffer

and to not fear the storms of life...

My blog is fairly peaceful if not eclectic.

However,

I cannot ignore a growing trend and the

very troubling implications.

First I read a jointly written article between two faiths about

chastity at Universities and that

Christian and Muslim students are together on this.

It is more of a 'feel good' article over all but

the overt danger and troubling implications came soon after.

A lawsuit by Muslims against the Catholic University

for Human Rights violations.

To say I am not concerned would be lying.

Actually I am quite concerned but at a loss as

to what to do.

Most Orthodox Christians know that Muslims are

still killing us overseas,

for example in Egypt.

If people in North America do not think that

we are in danger in the future

of being taken over,

I would say you are ignoring history

and current events.

I hear more and more from legitimate sources

on troubles for us that are coming.

What do we do? How do we prepare? How do we prepare

our children and godchildren

to be Christians in increasingly hostile and godless

environments?

Mat. Anna blogs about these topics more

and I often learn first about these troubling events

through her blog.

I know the first things we need to do;

Repent. Pray. Fight the Passions.

Learn to live according the true

Path to Sanity.

Teach our children to value and love God

and the Church.

Frankly we need to learn to be more ascetical.

To have a better witness - a martyeria.

Well.

I first thing for me is to pray.

To go soon to vespers.

To continue reading books to teach me how to live

a Christian life.

One I don't own yet is the path to salvation

but for now I can start with what I have

and pray.

For now, I will walk to vespers

and bring my cookies to church

as I was asked to do.

Lord help, teach and save us!

Side Note

2011-10-28T21:41:00.003-04:00

New Pasta Dish.

My friend made this for me a week ago.

Ingredients:

5 or 6 garlic cloves minced

saute in oil (I used olive oil).

Add mushrooms, cut in 4 or more pieces (depending on size)

add to garlic and oil and saute/cook for about 7 minutes or so.

Add bok choy (I had 2 baby bok choy) cut up and rinsed

for another 7 minutes or so.

I used everything of the baby bok choy other

than the very end of the white portion.

Then I put some spaghettini pasta in boiling water to cook.

About the same time, the mushrooms were done and bok choy wilted and soft.

I then added salt, pepper and two tomatoes, rinsed and cut.

When the pasta was done,

I added it to the sauce

and served hot

(with a little more salt).

It was lovely!

with love to all...

2011-10-28T19:11:00.004-04:00

It was such a beautiful sunny

Autumn crisp day.

I decided to take my favourite walk

to see my favourite tree.

One of my dear friends was in

a lot of heartache this week.

I've been thinking about various topics,

of how we women have often had to be strong

for a very long time.

Sometimes we don't know why.

Why we are alone or perhaps

why we have to be our own Mother

or why life has to have a series of setbacks and grief.

Our paths often do not seem very clear

and often strewn with sadness and many tears.

The leaves fall

winter comes

and the seeds never seem

to get rooted in the ground.

We feel alone, cold, barren and

without hope for better.

As I was walking I thought of Mother Alexandra

and a prayer that I read written by her.

(I must get the prayer book it is in one day).

It was about humility and being a Mother;

about carrying other's pain as well as one's own.

(I paraphrase of course).

Somehow I have to trust that the personal devastation

that we all go through,

those dark valleys,

can be used to not only plan the seed deep inside us

but help us like wind helps a tree grow strong.

For me part of the meaning of suffering

is to become a strong tree.

Strong in Christ.

Strong through the Saint's help.

Strong because in the Saints we have

Protectors, Mothers, Fathers;

even in their humility,

brothers and sisters.

And with this help,

we can become the Mothers (or Fathers)

that can help nurture others.

Even give what we ourselves may not have been given,

save directly in Christ and the Saints.

Somehow we can become part of Christ's body

and a tree to protect others

while we are in Christ,

in His embrace and will.

Christ died on the Cross in obedience to

the will of the Father.

We are safest in God's will.

So we must learn to not fear

to have hope

and that we truly are sheltered by Christ,

like a small tree in a Mountain's crevice,

shielded in the midst of great storms.

Friday Sunshine

2011-10-28T14:39:00.002-04:00

Thankful it is a beautiful day today.

I am getting an icon for my godson mounted

at Staples.

I am doing some job search activities this afternoon.

Tomorrow I am baking many

chocolate chip cookies

for church on Sunday.

I hope to make apple crisp and roast vegetables

and meatloaf.

Tonight will be a simple

vegetarian warm pasta meal.

I have so much to be thankful for.

I must fight to be thankful and look to God for

help and salvation.

Thursday in Late October

2011-10-27T21:50:00.002-04:00

I love this icon of Christ.

And having the two Holy Week Icons next to it.

When I think of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the Angels and the Saints

and the help they bring,

I alway wonder why I have worried.

May Christ comfort us in our many struggles.

We must take heart,

and have courage as

Christ has defeated the world, death and the devil.

37 Years Ago Today

2011-10-26T18:39:00.002-04:00

My parents got married 37 years ago today!

If they were here,

I would make a feast for them!

We would be sure to have a lovely dessert as well.

So Mom and Dad,

here's to many many more years!

I love you!

I am so glad I am your daughter!!

I thank God for you and for your marriage!

Home, my Oma and other reflections

2011-10-26T17:55:00.003-04:00

I am God willing going home

in early December

to see my sister and brother-in-law.

I booked the ticket a few weeks ago.

I don't think I can go home for actual

(new calendar) Christmas

and, worst of all, I don't think I can go to my

most beloved monastery for New Years

like I always do.

Just not wise to spend the extra money.

I am still wishing for this,

but not counting on it.

But I am seeking to go for at least one night

while I am home in earlier December.

It will be good to be home.

A few days before I go home God willing I am

going to see my Oma.

The last time I saw her was about 2 years ago

and the last time I saw her with all of my family

was in late 2008.

I even found one in which I flew out to see my Oma

when she was 99; she is now 102 years old!

The hard thing about that I am going to Brampton to see my

Oma with my family is that she will be

God willing

103 on Dec 24 of this year.

One of my Aunts is visiting her right now;

my Mom said that Oma (her Mom)

is showing more signs of decline.

I hope and pray that she will not go too quickly

and that my family can have at least one more time to see her.

My Oma is worthy of many blog posts,

to say the least!

It was quite something,

seeing those old 2008/2009 blog posts today.

I was in the seemingly slow process of losing my job in 2009.

Now I have lost another one.

I am glad my friends are quick to tell me that this does NOT mean

I am a failure.

My Mother I think has the best words on it;

not only am I not a failure but that God took the job away...

it is all in God's hands,

not in the end, even in my employers hands.

We go through a lot of trials in this life

but God is with us in them.

It is a continual and constant battle of the mind

to rejoice and be thankful;

one step at a time,

picking oneself up each time

that a step is missed.

Lord have mercy on us!

Autum is here

2011-10-25T18:00:00.002-04:00

Helped out in my church library today.

Got groceries.

Tonight is house and dish-cleaning night.

And also more prayers to be done tonight for

various people and concerns.

What did your day hold today?

May God help us all

in our daily battles.

Monday, Monday...

2011-10-24T22:33:00.004-04:00

A grey wet day after a beautiful yesterday.

I found this cute little shelf the other day in the

'give away or toss away' place in my apartment.

It is prefect for my books by my bed!

My slowly aging big black purse.

I love it.

I remember a year or more ago being at church,

helping out and seeing my purse on the chair in the back of church

and not realizing it was mine

and then seeing it again and thinking,

wow, when did I get such an adult purse? :)

I dressed up for the job coach today.

It was not easy due to the shock and emotions

that go along with processing my job loss.

But at least I could wear my new clothes

(they came the night I was laid off,

I decided just to keep them and wear them

and interview in them, etc.)

New long brown skirt;

brown shirt hidden by

cream jacket that a friend from church gave me

and a new lapis blue with silver trim scarf.

I have a slightly more casual light brown jacket

that goes well with it.

Tomorrow I am helping out with church,

reorganizing my house

and organizing myself for continued job search activities.

God is with us,

through all pain, loss and heartbreak.

A Beautiful Sunday in late October

2011-10-23T22:37:00.003-04:00

We celebrated my dear friend's birthday

again today after the liturgy

at our church potluck meal.

We sang Happy Birthday in both

English and Romanian!

(My Birthday friend being Romanian).

Such a joy to see her be so loved.

After the meal we all walked to her place

and continued our conversations over

tea and snacks.

We saw this bike on our way.

After a week of grey rain,

it ended up being a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

I have had a great weekend,

full of friends, prayer, lovely meals and laughter.

It could not of been better.

Tomorrow starts the next small chapter in my life.

Reorienting myself to the job search

and making a schedule for myself.

Losing a job is like a small death.

And I have been busy with many supportive loving people

just like people have after a death, or that they should have at

any rate, when faced with great loss.

Now I have to begin reorienting myself to my

new after 2 months at the job

life of now looking for a job again.

I am so blessed by the people in my life

including all of you

and the prayers of many are holding me up.

I thank God for every one of you!

God is so merciful to me.